Absconding Princess

Our lives are full of love stories. Long. Short. Exciting. Dull. Interesting. Boring. But more often than not, "all our princesses are in another castle".

Ok yes, I played a bit of Mario today. Ok, a lot. And somewhere on level 6 while killing a turtle-ducky thingy I realised, fuck, we're all Marios and Luigis.

Personally, I have always been a Luigi. Such are the perks of growing up with an elder brother. You're always player number 2. He had the sexy red dungaree and I had the plain white. Sniff.

Okay, I'm drifting. But red dungarees or white, Mario or Luigi, we are all the same. Trying to find our own metaphorical princesses. Fighting ducks, um, ok, maybe not ducks, (although I have been attacked by a rather ill-tempered one), but you get the drift. Fighting dragons. Going through dungeons. Willingly entering dark places. Fighting everything, only too discover, the princess is yet again in another castle.

We go through all this again and again. Castle after castle. Dragon after Dragon. To hear the same thing over and over again. Wrong castle. Wrong place. Wrong time.

Some people, like Mario, eventually find the right castle. Some, like me, they enjoy the journey. My princess doesn't exist.

Um. No. Um... Ok. Yes.

So, this is what it feels like. To have a knot in your stomach, made with a rope of snakes coiled together. Slithering in my stomach like it's meal time. Hungry. Eating at my guts. Crawling their way up to my throbbing heart. Twisting and choking. My body converted into a playground of the spineless. Trying to make me feel spineless too. Petrified of telling the truth. Of admitting defeat. Of saying, "No, I can't".

Saying no has never come easy to me. No matter how hard I try, I eventually nod my head in submission. Yes to this. Yes to that. Yes to something I have no interest in. Why I do it, I never know; but I almost instantly regret saying yes to something I don't have my heart in. That's because I never end up finishing it. It's my personal sin. People procrastinate. I never bother. I know from the very beginning that I'm not going to do this.

Yes, this level of certainty would come in very handy when I have to say no. But no, this certainty rests till it knows I've said yes and have gone and fucked myself yet again. Till then, it just sits on the edge and watches, waiting to jump off any moment. "Boo. I'm here. I'm here to make you happy. Who needs this. Go do something else. Something you love. Watch TV. Nothing good on TV? No sweat. Watch reruns. Read. Make love. Do something. Anything. But do not do what you set out to do. Don't even whisper it to yourself. Don't even fleetingly mention it."

So, hours go by. Days and months mean nothing but just numbers and words. Immaterial. I go on ignoring. Blissfully unaware of the passing deadlines. I pull my usual stunts. When they get desperate, I produce a little work. I'm usually good at what I do, so whatever I pull lasts them a few more months. Ah. Repeat. My life moves on loop. Again, hours go by. Days and months go by. I go on ignoring. I'm in my happy place. I live there till one day there is a feeling of remorse. Ah. The bitch. Nothing worse than feeling remorse. The what ifs. The maybes. It's time to come clean. How did it get so complicated?

Today is one of those days. I fucked up. Yes, I said yes, when I meant no. But I did that a year ago. Today is the day I regret my fine decision. The day I tell these people, "I really meant to say no. No, I never meant to nod my head. My head forgot to consult with my heart. Really. It happens. It happens all the time." It's a little girl's voice. I don't know this voice. But i have to use this voice. It sounds broken. Demands sympathy. Demands reason.

Right now I wait. I prepare. I wait for the meeting to begin. It's five thirty. He's an hour and a half late. I'm sitting in a stuffy room with black glass for windows. The sofa, comfortable, striped green and beige, looks like it belongs in a beach house rather than a corporate office. Offices like these need leather. Uncomfortable. Noisy. Makes you feel ill at ease. There are 15 mini TVs in front of me. Sigh. 15 TVs, 5 dark windows. My personal hell. I wait to be damned.

WATCH OUT!

So, who's been following news for the past week? The whole world that's who!
I for one sometimes wonder whether i want a minute by minute update of the unfolding events or do i want a concise report at the end of the day. This thought became stronger during the coverage of the recent Mumbai attack. It's a strange situation to be in, of course the news channels keeping you well posted is a blessing to your curious and obviously troubled mind but watching these events unfold as you look haplessly at the television possibly munching on a snack or sipping a drink is a bit like (spare me the sighs!) watching a matinee. Ever been in a hall watching a thriller and the killer is just gaining up on the victim and all you want to do is to scream "WATCH OUT!". Well, that's how i felt watching the news channels the past few days. The Taj was burning and the world was watching, I was "watching"!

itchy feet

Ever been lucky enough to take a holiday around the world, and not had to dish out a penny? 12 countries, 3 continents, good company and the holiday album delivered to your doorstep? No?
Has this started to sound like a lame Holiday package commercial yet? No? I'll go on then. Fancy a swim with turtles of the Great Barrier Reef, a desire to scale a glacier in New Zealand or to tour the ancient ruins of Angkor Wat... ahem! don't know where that is?


Well, if you're thinking no man is so lucky, or no tourist company is foolish enough to spend this kind of bread; you're right. No MAN is so lucky! But, (*drum beats*), a garden gnome in England was. Stolen from outside his house this little 10 incher seemed like an avid traveller to some random fella walking by the gnome's home, a little garden. Off went Murphy (that's what the family fondly called him) on a world tour, while the family imagined him to be stolen. Thinking of this being nothing more than a prank the family went on about their life only to find him back in the garden 11 months later with a note and a package. Once unwrapped it revealed a leather-bound photo album containing 48 pictures of the gnome Barrington's (now named fondly by his travel companions) trip around the globe along with a note putting his impromptu world tour down to 'itchy feet'.

Now, the reason I write this blog is that... well, apart from the fact that I fell in love with Murphy aka Barrington; its great to know that there no dearth in the existence of fools who would take garden gnomes for a holiday. This is the kinda world I would like to live in any day!

For more on the story and some fabulous holiday pictures check out http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1043552/Gnome-Stolen-garden-elf-returned-7-month-adventure-world.html

Take your inanimate possessions for a holiday today, and if you don't own em, steal em!!

For the Flippant

I hate making decisions.

It always has to be white or black, right or wrong and so on. It is not funny the amount of times I have let a one rupee coin decide my fate, or in smaller circumstances, my day at least. I do it not cause I believe there is some higher power busy deciding silly "yeses & no's" for me; I do it cause it's so easy. If something goes wrong you completely blame your fate, and if everything’s hunky-dory, well of course you take the credit.

What I don’t understand is what will happen to future generations, when the coin goes obsolete. How will this bunch of indecisive people ever get anything done? The only solution I can think of is a virtual flip. Imagine a software that allows you to flip a coin virtually, with the same arbitrary results as a real coin flip. Or maybe an invention like a snow ball, only with a coin inside and a button on the outside that triggers it.
Heck, maybe I thought too much about it. I still have all the coins in the world I can flip, the future generations I am sure will figure something out eh?

Snap* and zone out

ADD: Attention-deficit disorder

Ok, so it sounds common enough, but is it? I seem to have it (at least i think i do), but in my defence, what is the need to hold your attention towards one thing for more than 5 minutes? Isn’t that the sole reason that edged man to create the internet, cable television, or for that matter numerous relationships in the first place. So that we don’t bore ourselves with the same repetitive, mundane thing/work/people (take your pick). Me, i tick all three (although my list is longer).
Medical science has a way of making everything sound contagious, deadly and definitely undesirable. I for one have no problem embracing this wonderful disorder which takes over me, simply (and very efficiently) when my mind flashes the “BORED” card. Snap* and zone out.
Ok, so maybe its not good for business, but heck, most people aren’t that good at their job anyway; and those who are, well the few hours of good work that you churn out, will take you through most of the day (if not the week, he he).

So, here's a feeler of what ADD might feel like:
1. A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
This one is great because you can climb Mt Everest and your natty little mind won’t bother registering it, so you are more than likely to do it all over again just to prove to yourself, you can. Now, what’s wrong with that, isn’t that how we were raised to feel like, to begin with? Are we calling it a disease now? (*Subliminal message to all parents*)

2. Difficulty getting organized.
Thank God I can pin that on ADD, lest you think i might actually be lazy or simply didn't give a shit.

3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
Oh, this one is too easy.

4. A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
OK, so this is where i sell this disease/condition to you full throttle and you fall for it hook, line and sinker. Ever felt like a complete bitch, and not felt sorry for an instant that you are? Called people names behind their backs, sat around at the chai-wallah and had four rounds of chai just because there was too much ammo moving around in front of you, for you to let go? You just had to sit around and bitch, just a lil bit more? If yes, welcome to my little circle of the ADD appreciators.

5. An intolerance of boredom.
yawn*

6. A tendency toward addictive behaviour.
Yes, I am a chain (takes a drag) smoker. Its all ADD, all the way baby!


7. Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent
Seriously, who in their right mind would call this a disease?

Hippocrates described a person suffering from ADD rather aptly, "quickened responses to sensory experience, but also less tenaciousness because the soul moves on quickly to the next impression".

So sue me, for my mind is fickle.

(For people who don’t seem too convinced about the up's of ADD, Hippocrates also came up with a remedy for this "disorder", barley rather than wheat bread, fish rather than meat, water drinks, and many natural and diverse physical activities)
Take note, you terribly boring people.

My brain said so

It’s strange. When you have so much to say, you end up saying nothing. That’s the case with me at least. My head usually brims with ideas and just when I decide to put pen to paper, it does a CtrlA+Del. Which having helped me up my doodling skills severely (to the delight of my co-workers), leaves me deeply perturbed sometimes. I guess everyone has their own way of self-expression, mine just happens to take the shape of a Rat superhero with a great costume and his very own collection of super cheeses. Now maybe my blank (or so I think) mind is trying to tell me something here. It figures me for a rat that goes on doing his job submissively everyday (no figuring out required here) and maybe one day wants to rise above (thus the ever original cape). And anyone who knows me well enough knows of that special relationship I share with cheese. So, maybe even a blank, numb mind is capable of churning out thoughts that ordinarily one would not credit it with. I do (or so my brain would have me think).